"You are not responsible for the How". -Beth Moore
Have you ever had one of those moments when you just knew God was speaking directly to you through a pastor or speaker? I had one of those moments just a few weeks ago during our bible study. Let me give you some background.
I've always wanted to have children, and praise God, after a long struggle, God made that dream come true. I always had another dream that went hand in hand with having children. I always wanted to be a full-time stay at home Mom once children came into the picture.
From the very beginning, before Elliana was ever conceived, Caleb and I had many discussions as to if we could afford living on his budget alone. A few years ago we sat down and put together a budget. At the time we discovered that these three things could not happen together: we could not own a home, I could not even work PART-TIME, and he could cot continue teaching at the school he loves. At the time I wasn't even pregnant. So, we prayed about it and decided we would revisit the budget later on.
Last spring (2008) we decided we were ready to buy a home. That was around the same time that I found out I was pregnant. We looked at the budget again and discovered that we could afford to buy a home and that Caleb could continue teaching where he wanted to. However, we still could not afford for me to be home full time. We were encouraged to see at this time that I could work part time though. I was a little disappointed but thankful that if I had to work it would only be part time.
So, we found a home within our budget and moved in last fall. Elliana was born in December and I was on maternity leave for 3 months. I loved those 3 months. Yes, Elliana was a very challenging infant. She cried all the time and almost never let me put her down. Still, I cherished every day I had with her and dreaded going back to work. I cried and cried the night before I returned to work in March.
The day to return came and went and I found myself getting used to the new routine of working part time. Everything was working out well until the first week of June came. My boss pulled me into her office and explained to me that my schedule of working Monday through Wednesday was not working for her or for the office anymore. I explained to her that I was not trying to be difficult, but I simply could not work Wednesday through Friday. It was a daycare issue for us and nobody was available to watch Elliana Wed through Friday. So, she offered for me to work in a new position. Again we prayed and decided it was our only choice since we still could not afford for me to be home full time.
I started the new position in July and soon discovered that I didn't care for it very much. Okay, actually I really did not like it at all. Somedays I was so stressed out. Still, I pressed on knowing this is what I needed to do to help make ends meet. All the time I was praying for God to rescue me. Either help me find another job or provide a way for me to be home full time. Some nights I would be up most of the night thinking about how this would all work out. I became more and more stressed because I wanted so badly to either find a new job, or find a way to work from home, or just get to be home full time.
Then, one saturday morning in our Esther bible study, Beth Moore said the words "you are not responsible for the how". She was explaining how God always has it worked out already and he works in ways that are unexpected. Of course she was referring to Esther's situation, but I felt like God was speaking directly to me and I felt a sense of relief come over me. I realized at that moment that I didn't need to stress about the situation. It was in God's hands and he's never failed me before. It would all work out one way or another.
Less than two weeks later Caleb called me at work and said "Christine, I have great news"! He went on to explain that his school had just gotten new health insurance and we could afford to put the whole family under his new insurance and save hundreds of dollars a month. (before we were going to have to spend about $600 a month for health insurance for the 3 of us)Finally! We could afford (almost) for me to be home full time! There is still a very small gap in our budget between what we need and what we have. However, the gap is growing smaller all the time. We have been saving for so many years that we are very comfortable using our savings accounts to get by for a long time (several years). I am confident that we will be fine and that God will provide one way or another. Who knows, in a matter of time, there may be no gap left at all.
I notified my boss this week that I will be quiting. The conversation went well and I told her I would stay as long as she needed me to (within reason of course). She asked me to stay 6 weeks and I agreed. My last week will be the last week of September. As excited as I am, leaving my job feels like leaving a major part of my life. I have been working at my job for 8 years. I was only 19 years old when I started working there. I was so young and single and living with room mates. I have literally grown up while working there. I will miss so many people but I am so excited to start this new chapter in my life. I still can't believe that God opened this door. Someone pinch me.
On a side note, here are some pictures of Elliana and her new favorite "toy", the laundry basket:
P.S. Ellie started saying "Mama" this week. I doubt that she knows that word is my name and relation to her, but I like to think that she does. :)
2014: page two hundred sixty-four
2 years ago