No, I don't think I have postpartum or any other form of depression. I just think I'm in some sort of funk. Not a blogging funk, just a funk in general.
Perhaps it's the fact that my mom and sister had to put down our beloved black lab Zeus last week. I won't pretend that I was the closest one to him, but I did love him quite a bit too. You couldn't help but love Zeus. He was the most loyal, loving and gentle dog I've ever known. It's like my mom said "He just had the sweetest spirit and you always knew he'd be there whenever anyone needed him." I think it's all that and the fact that Zeus was our last connection to our childhood years. My whole family misses him terribly.
Another thing that's been bothering me for some time is my battle with my weight. After Elliana was born, my weight practically just fell off of me. I really didn't work that hard. I gained the EXACT same amount with Ethan and it has been a much bigger battle to lose my baby weight.
It's not that I haven't tried. I've worked REALLY hard. I'm talking going to the gym and working out 5 days a week. The weight was coming off and I was feeling very encouraged, but over the last week or so the weight loss seems to have really slowed down, maybe even stopped. :( I've lost 9 pounds since beginning to work out (32 total since having Ethan) and I'm still 7 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight. I already had about 15 pounds that I wanted to lose before getting pregnant. Ugh. Sometimes when I look at my overall weight loss goal I just get overwhelmed. I am convinced that losing weight is one of the hardest goals to accomplish.
I really wanted to look amazing for my sister Alli's wedding (which is going to be in about 4 weeks-yay). Since this is the last wedding for our family, I'm sure my parents will be putting up lots of pictures and gosh darn it, I want to look good! Is that too much to ask? Oh well. I'll just do the best I can I guess.
The other thing that's kind of getting to me is our schedule right now. Caleb is back to teaching and coaching Volleyball. He LOVES coaching Volleyball and I've always enjoyed going to the games and supporting him in that. This year it's a little harder than that though. It's the first year that I've been a stay at home mom of two little ones. When you're taking care of two little ones for 12+ hours a day and you only see your husband for a few short hours in the evening, it becomes exhausting!
Don't get me wrong, I love my babies more than words can say. I just feel like I don't get any "breaks" right now.
I'm not worried though. I'm sure in a few short weeks I'll be back to my upbeat, positive self. After all, we have a lot to look forward to in the coming months (wedding!). And fall has always been my favorite time of year! I'm just figuring out how to adjust to these long days with my beautiful babes and settle into a new routine.
I promise my next post will be more exciting. ;-)
