Our First Scary, Bad Day

Wednesday was the first day since becoming a Mom that I found myself feeling very scared and inadequate. Let me explain how the day unravelled.

Wednesday morning started out as any other day. Elliana was happy and appeared to be 100% healthy. We enjoyed our typical slow morning together.

After feeding her lunch I noticed something very odd. Her lips and hands were somewhat blue and she was shivering. I watched her very close. Since she was acting completely normal, still happy and bubbly and active, I figured she must be a little cold.

I put her in some warmer clothes, then in her car seat (we were headed to my Mom's house so Ellie could spend some time with her cousins) and then I put a warm blanket on her.

By the time I got up to Mom and Dad's house, the color in her lips and hands had returned so I thought all was well. Little did I know how fast things were about to change.

For the first hour she played like normal and then I realized it was time for her nap so I picked her up. She fell asleep in my arms right away (which is unusual for her, she usually fights naps). I thought she must have been really tired.

During her nap I noticed she was beginning to feel very warm. Her head was really warm too. My mom and I took her temperature and it read 102. We thought she felt warm but not that hot.

This is when I noticed the biggest change. My daughter is one of the most active, independant, bubbly, happy babies I've seen. She doesn't like to sit and be held. She likes to move around and play. Suddenly, she wouldn't move from my lap. She could barely keep her eyes open. Her face was red. She just sat in my lap and was fighting to even stay awake.

So I took her into Urgent Care right away. Of course there were a lot of sick people at Urgent Care and there was a long wait to see the Dr. We waited for 45 very long minutes. Even while waiting to see the Dr. she slept in my lap.

She was finally seen and was very soon diagnosed with H1N1. They gave us a prescription for Tamiflu and a dose of Tylenol to begin getting the fever down and sent us on our way.

By this time it was getting late into the evening. Ellie was beginning to act like herself again and she had a big appetite so we fed her a big dinner. After dinner, we gave her her first dose of Tamiflu and then put her down for bed.

She woke up within a half hour so I picked her up and her head felt very hot again. I decided I would hold her until Caleb and I were ready for bed.

Caleb and I were ready for bed and it was time for another dose of Tylenol or ibuprofen for her fever. Just as we were about to give her that dose, she vomited all over herself and Caleb. I have NEVER, EVER seen that much vomit come out of such a small person.

Right after vomiting, she was having a hard time breathing. I think maybe it's because it came out of her nose too. I had the phone in my hand and I was ready to dial 911 as we waited for Elliana to take in a breath. As she gasped for air, Caleb, Elliana and I all exchanged looks of fear. That was it, no way was she going to sleep in her crib that night.

We cleaned everything and everyone up and called the on-call Dr. She said to give her stomach a rest. No more medication or food for the night. Just a little water and some rest is what she really needed.

Caleb went to our bedroom to sleep and Ellie and I stayed in the guest bedroom. We set a bucket by the bed "just in case". Since Caleb had to work the next day and I didn't, I would sleep next to her and care for her and wake Caleb if I needed him for anything.

I barely slept at all that night. It was the worst night of my life. I cried as I stroked Ellie's hair. Throughout the night I kept feeling her hot head, putting my hand on her chest to make sure she was breathing, and praying that God would heal her.


It was the first time I ever felt like I couldn't do this "mom" thing. I wasn't a nurse, I didn't know what to do or how to make her better. I hated feeling helpless.

I'm happy to report that Thursday went much better. Although Ellie is not completely in the clear, she is doing much better and we think she's going to be okay. She's been back to her active, loud, happy self.

I know I have a lot more days and nights like this ahead with other illnesses and other children. I just hope there aren't too many.

My sister Jenn dealt with this a few weeks ago. Except she was taking care of herself, her 3 kids, and her husband and I just don't know how she did it!

I'm hoping and praying that the worst is over!