Thursday, May 6, 2010

Feeling Emotional

Maybe it's the hormones that I'm on. Who knows...

Somehow I find myself feeling emotional this week. Especially about the "trying to get pregnant again" issue. It's so funny, I have a million reasons in my head for why it's really okay that I haven't gotten pregnant yet, but my heart isn't listening to my head right now.

Truth be told, I really was okay that I wasn't pregnant yet. After all I have all of the following reasons for why it's okay; I didn't want another December baby, we have a family reunion at the end of December/ early January that I don't want to miss, it's only been a few months of really trying with the fertility meds, I would rather not be pregnant on our cruise, I'd like to lose some weight before getting pregnant again, etc. etc. etc.

So why am I suddenly feeling sad? Maybe it's because my baby fever is only going to get worse with the two new nephews or nieces I'll be meeting and holding this year (my sister-in-law is due this month and my sister is due in November). Or maybe it's because it feels as though Elliana is growing up so quickly these days, and I fear she's going to be too old to be close to her next sibling. Or maybe I'm beginning to believe that it's not going to happen again, that Elliana truly is our one miracle baby, and we won't have any more children.

It's so weird, I can really sense that emotionally I'm beginning to go to the same place that I was before I had Elliana. I always told myself that no matter what happened, I should just be thankful for Ellie. After all, she is a gift that God has given us. I AM SO thankful for her, but my desire to have another child is growing by the day.

Whatever the reason for my heart struggling right now, I can sense that God is drawing me near to him. My walk with him has been a little stagnant lately and I don't like that. My hope and prayer is that I will use these emotions and fears and I will go to him. My head knows that he is always faithful and loving and that he has a plan for me, for Caleb and for Elliana. My heart just needs to catch up.

I realize this picture is completely unrelated to this subject, but I felt this post was incomplete without a picture of Elliana. :) I took this picture this afternoon. I just love the expression on Ellie's face.


Courtney said...

I truly believe that you guys will be blessed with another miracle baby. I'm praying for you guys and let me know if you ever need to talk.

Christina said...

the miracles happen - and more than once. we are living proof. Praying for you-C

Anonymous said...

We will continue to pray for you and Caleb for another miracle baby. And also pray for God to give you peace and strength during this "waiting period". Know that He IS soveriegn honey and that He loves you.
I love you,

About Me

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I am a daughter of the King. Saved by grace. Follower of Christ. I love my God and I believe that he is faithful and true to his word! I'm still figuring out and trying to follow his plan for my life. I am a wife to my best friend Caleb, a mother to my miracle babies (they are my greatest joy and challenge), a sister and best friend to 3 passionate women, and a daughter to 2 amazing parents that continue to teach me what it is to be real and faithful to God and his word. I am lucky to get to be a stay at home Mom (thanks to God's provision). I love music, singing, coffee, cooking, baking, traveling, our beautiful state of Colorado, and mostly being with the family and friends that I love!

Husband, Caleb

Husband, Caleb
Caleb is an amazing husband and father. He is always so good to me. He is my best friend. He is the romantic one. We love to laugh and spend time together. We've been married for 7 years and I just love that I get to spend the rest of my life with him.

Our 1st Miracle

Our 1st Miracle
Elliana Faith... God blessed us with our first miracle little girl in December 2008. She is sweet, smart, spunky, funny, strong willed, precocious, extremely outgoing, vocal and so full of life! She brings us so much joy.

Our 2nd Miracle

Our 2nd Miracle
Ethan James,.. God blessed us with our little boy in March 2011. Ethan was a bit of a surprise and an even bigger miraclle. Ethan is ALL BOY! He is very active, into sports and running around. He is also sweet, introverted, affectionate, and laid back. These days he often has us laughing, he's starting to show a little bit of "clown" in him. He makes our hearts happy too. :)

Our 3rd Miracle

Our 3rd Miracle
Emsley Jeannette... Our surprise baby girl was born on June 11th, 2013 and came into the world 4 weeks early. Her first 2 weeks of life were spent in the NICU, but due to God's hands and the prayers of many people, she grew quickly and came home to join our family! She is an easy, sweet baby and we are enjoying getting to know her personality.


We fight one day and then the next day we're fine. We're always loud and crazy when we get together. We're very passionate. We've been through it all together, lots of ups and downs. We're eachother's biggest supporters.


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