First there was the miscarriage, around the same time a rash appeared on my body from head to toe with no explanation as to where it came from, then I was in the ER because my throat was swelling and I was having trouble breathing, the rash appeared to be here to stay for a while despite the fact that I'd been to several Dr.'s, my body did not like the meds I was put on for the rash, and yesterday Elliana was diagnosed with an ear infection and strep throat. Ugh.
I seriously felt like I was in a fog all last week. I would even say that I felt depressed. I had no energy, I didn't want to do anything, and I was losing my mind from dealing with the incredibly itchy mystery rash. I was beginning to feel like Job.
Then, over the weekend, God got my attention.
Friday I was driving to a movie with my sisters and girlfriends and I saw a rainbow up in the sky. I started crying. The tears just kept rolling and I almost had to pull over. I called Caleb and sobbed with him over the phone. I had not dealt emotionally with this miscarriage, and seeing the rainbow forced me to.
Let me give you a little history about the relationship between me and rainbows. I'm aware that this sounds cheesy, but it's very real to me.
3 years ago, right before I had my first miscarriage, I saw a rainbow in the sky while driving to work, and it brought me to tears. I hadn't even lost that baby yet, but I had a sick feeling. I knew God was speaking to me through that rainbow. He was preparing me then for what was about to happen, but at the same time reminding me of his promises and that he was with me.
All throughout my pregnancy with Elliana I would see a rainbow and smile. I knew God was telling me that she was okay and that again, he was with us.
Over the course of this past weekend, I saw 4 rainbows. I think God was clearly sending me a message. He reminded me that he wasn't going to let it rain forever, and he wasn't going to leave me hopeless and depressed. He was there all last week when I was in my fog, and he was going to bring me through to the other side. And he has.
I feel as though I've really turned a corner over the last day or two. Both emotionally and physically. The mystery rash is gone (Praise the Lord), my energy is returning, and I just feel like my old self again. I'm ready to be the wife and the Mom that I need to be, and to move forward from here. And thank God, Elliana seems to be responding well to her antibiotics.
"Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:16
I'm so thankful for a God that loves us and speaks to us in so many ways. I'm also thankful for rainbows. :)
5 comments:
What a heartfelt and touching post Christine! I LOVE it when God speaks to us through nature, whether it's rainbows, sunshine or even a blizzard. I'm so thankful you felt Him with you through all this and I'm glad you feel like you're turning a corner and returning to your old self again. =)
I don't have the words to express my love for you. You are amazing and I look up to you (yes, even as the oldest sister) in so many ways. You are precious!
God Bless you Chris! Thank you for the inspiration you are in trusting God through anything - good, bad or ugly. May your heart, body and soul continue to heal and be rejuvenated for His great purposes!
What a beautiful post. This really touched my heart. Its strange because God often sends me a rainbow in the difficult times too. I'm praying for you during this difficult time. I've been there many times myself so I know the inner battle you are facing.
Praying for you from Alaska and heartbroken for you...Will write more soon. Love, Kendra
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