Another Journey Of Faith

I hate the waiting game. I hate wondering if news is going to be good or bad. I mostly hate being inside my head, going back and forth convincing myself that the news is either good or bad based on how I'm feeling at the time.

It's moments like this that I know my faith always has room to grow. I believe that God IS sovereign, and in the end, he deserves praise and glory no matter what journey he decides to take us on, whether we're going through a valley or standing on top of the highest mountain.

I'm always awed by the fact that Job was able to say "“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” (Job 1:21) after he had lost everything. I long to have that kind of faith

I'm sure by now you're thinking, what the heck does any of this have to do with Christine? Well, I'll just come out with it. Almost 3 weeks ago I got a positive pregnancy test! Yes, Caleb and I were trying, but I was not on clomid (fertility drugs) like I had been when we were trying to get pregnant before. We had only been trying for 3-4 months and I had an appointment at the end of October to ask my Dr. if I should get back on clomid. Due to the fact that this happened so fast and without drugs, I was shocked, and overjoyed! When I sit back and think about how far we've come from the day I was diagnosed with PCOS almost 10 years ago, I am in awe of how God has moved in our lives to have a family.

I'll never forget what my father-in-law said to me that night when we told him and my mother-in-law about the pregnancy. He put his arm around me and said "Welcome to another journey of faith." At the time, I thought that was an odd response to a pregnancy announcement, but in the following days and weeks I came to understand exactly what he was saying.

Getting pregnant and raising kids is a constant journey of faith. From the moment you see those first two lines telling you that you're carrying life inside of you, you have to trust and lean on God. Trust that he'll carry you and your baby through the first days, weeks, and months of pregnancy. Trust that he will give you a healthy baby and delivery. Trust that that baby will grow to be a healthy child. Trust that he will protect that child from the evils and dangers of this world.

I've lost 2 babies before (I'm thankful that if it had to happen, it happened really early in my pregnancy). Because of this, the first days, weeks and trimester are SO hard for me. It's a constant battle in my mind convincing myself that everything is or is not okay. I dry myself (and my closest friends and family) CRAZY! I feel like God has taught me a very valuable lesson this time around, and I have a whole new peace.

Have you seen Courageous? If you haven't, it's a very moving movie, you should check it out. I kind of stole one of the themes from that movie when I was thinking about the what ifs with this pregnancy.

I have to be thankful for every day that there is life. Every day that my family is together and healthy. I'm thankful that I have 2 healthy kids and that today, I have a baby growing inside of me. :) I have to believe in faith that God knows what's best for me, for Caleb, for my children and all of my loved ones.

Up to this point, we've gotten great news! We had an ultrasound yesterday and we got to see one beautiful, beating heart! We are so excited and thankful! I am a little over 6 weeks pregnant and am due July 9th. We hope and pray that God will carry this baby full term and that we'll welcome another little brother or sister to the family for Elliana and Ethan this summer.

Since we got such a great report from the Dr. and ultrasound yesterday, my Dr. doesn't need to see me again for another 4-5 weeks. I'm not used to this. I know I've been spoiled with my past pregnancies, but I'm used to having ultrasounds every 2 weeks throughout the first trimester. Caleb says this is going to be good for me, to not have that constant reassurance that everything is okay, to just pray and trust that God is taking care of our baby. I hate to admit it, but I know he's right.
I don't know what the future holds, but I trust God and his sovereignty. I have peace knowing that he's on this journey of faith with us. I'm thankful that he's given us another life to trust to him. Praise God!

I just want to add, that I have very dear friends and family that are on their own journey of infertility. They don't know yet how their story ends. Caleb and I have committed to pray for them daily. If you think of it, please pray for them. Women struggling with infertility has always been near to my heart.

A Season For Healing

I can feel Fall coming. The nights and mornings have been a bit cooler in recent days. Autumn/ Fall has always been my favorite season. I love fall for it's bright colors, delicious flavors (chai latte or pumpkin spice latte anyone?), warmer cute clothes, the coolness in the air, the feel of leaves crunching under your feet, apples, pumpkins, hay rides, corn mazes and of course Thanksgiving.

 

This year Fall means so much more to me though. It means the end of what was a very painful season for myself and many people that I love. I discussed my heavy heart on here about a month ago. At the time I had no idea things were going to get much, much worse for some of us.

I'll give you just a small picture of the pain that I'm talking about. Nearest to my heart is the loss of my beloved Grandma Nancy. Our family continues to feel the pain of missing her. Although each day has been a little easier than the one before, I have yet to go a day without crying (even a little) and almost every thought leads me back to her.

Then there's the pain of my friends and family. In our small couples group from church, we have a close friend that lost both of her parents in a tragic accident two weeks ago, and we have friends that are facing some serious illnesses with their children.

I have a sister and some dear friends that have been walking through the valley that is called infertility. Everybody's journey with infertility looks different, and while my journey was very short lived compared to many, I do know how painful it is. I know what it is to lay awake at night and wonder if you will ever get to become parents. To hold your own child in your arms. I have been praying for these loved ones for months and for some, years. I still trust that God is faithful, and that he does have a plan for each of these families, but sometimes it's so hard to understand what he's doing.

I posted this as my status on fb the other day: "And just like that the school year has begun and summer is over. I've never wanted a summer to end so much. Praying/hoping this Fall brings us a fresh start and healing to hurting hearts." This is my prayer. Please Lord, use this time to draw us closer to you and bring some healing to broken hearts.

 

Of course this summer wasn't all pain and sadness. We had some great times too. I just wanted to share some of our happier moments in pictures. :)

Ellie had her cousins Devyn and Reagan over for their first sleepover at our house. I woke to these 3 smiling, beautiful faces.

 

When they were getting dressed they all wanter to wear dresses and headbands to match. You've got to love little girls. ;)

 

And then there is my two babes. Elliana and Ethan. They are my biggest challenge and greatest joy. When I look at these photos, I see two kids that love eachother greatly and have fun playing together. Most of all, I see two kids that are growing up WAY too quickly.



Isn't it odd how sometimes we want time to stand still, and other times we welcome the changing of the seasons? I do know this, God holds all of it in his hands.

 

Forgetting To Remember (Elliana's Story)

Happy New Year everyone! My 30th Birthday party/ New Years Eve party was a blast (thanks to all of my family that helped pull it off)!



As much as I want to post about that, I don't have any pictures since we forgot our camera. So, I'm waiting to steal pictures from my sisters when I can. Ha! In the meantime, you can read my sister Courtney's blog about her take on the party.

I've noticed most everyone has been blogging over the last week about how their 2011 went and their hopes and goals for 2012. I would love to do this too but I'm lacking time and inspiration right now.

For now, all I can say is, we had a wonderful 2011 and I'm optimistic for 2012 as well. Mostly, I want to see some dreams come true for some family and friends that I've been praying for. I know a LOT of people that are praying for babies this year, and that is heavy on my heart. Especially because of our history. Which brings me to the title of this post.

A few months ago, my husband Caleb was asked to speak in chapel (2 weeks back to back) at his school. He was of course honored and quickly agreed. It didn't take him long to decide what to speak on.

Although most people reading this blog know our history and the miracle that our children are, I loved how Caleb told the story of Elliana showing God's faithfulness to us and how our story can apply to everyone in remembering God's faithfulness to them.

The school taped both chapels, but since they are SO long I decided to put them on here one at a time. The video is over 30 minutes long so make sure you have time to watch the whole thing.



I know I'm biased, but I think Caleb did an amazing job speaking and I am so proud of him! Even more than that, I hope that God can use our story to reach others. We serve an awesome God!

The Bachelorette

Did you think I was going to talk about the show? Ha! I have admitted before that watching The Bachelor and The Bachelorette is one of my guilty pleasures.

But, that's not what (or who) this post is about.

My dear sister Allison is getting married in just 6 short days (it's coming up so quickly now). Isn't she gorgeous?!



Both Jenn and Courtney (the other sisters) have posted about how this wedding is somehow different. Somehow bittersweet. It's getting all of us choked up for many reasons.

First of all, Alli is the last sister to get married. It's like closing the final chapter to our childhood. It's made all of us very nostalgic lately. There have been many conversations in recent weeks talking about our childhood. The things that made us laugh, the hard times, the many ways we saw God's hand working in our lives, both individually and as a family.

That brings me to the second reason this wedding is a little more emotional than the previous ones. It's a long story and I'll really try to summarize it for you. Alli became anorexic in her early teens. She was very sick, in and out of hospitals and she got down to a scary 58 pounds at one point. We thought we were going to lose her.

Although it sounds strange, her sickness saved our family. After it was obvious that the hospitalizations weren't doing anything for Alli and her eating disorder, she was sent to Remuda Ranch, an inpatient center that specializes in eating disorders out of state. In order for Alli to be fully recovered and free to return home, a week of family counseling was required.

It was one of the most intense, hardest weeks of our lives. We cried. A lot. We watched our Dad break down many times. Our parents marriage was saved because of that week of counseling too. SOOO much healing came from that week.

And after a couple long months of being at Remuda Ranch, Alli was healed. For good!

Now, 13 years later, Alli is living a happy and healthy life. And praise God, she's getting married! We are all SO thrilled for her and her fiance Brian.

Alli's bachelorette party was last night and we had a wonderful time! We started out at a martini bar in Old Town. At first it was just the 4 sisters and our very close friend Annie who we often call our 5th sister. Annie lived in our neighborhood and grew up with us. She was always with us. :)







After the martini bar, we walked to my favorite restaurant of all time and had dinner at The Melting Pot. I would say that was the best part of the night. ;-)



We played a fun game where we each had to buy Alli some panties and she had to guess who bought which one. She did amazingly well.



We were joined at dinner with 3 of Alli's close friends. There was 8 of us total. At first I thought that sounded like a really small bachelorette party, but it turned out to be the perfect number. We were really able to have great conversations because we all fit perfectly around the table.





We talked and laughed a lot. It really was the perfect bachelorette party.



I'm so glad Alli had such a great night honoring her. I praise God that Alli is where she is today and that he brought Brian into her life. I just know her wedding is going to be so beautiful and sentimental. I think there will be plenty of tears shed on Saturday. The good kind. :)

Our Story

Caleb and I met in high school through our church youth group. In high school we were only friends. We became much closer friends when all of our other friends moved away for college and we both got involved in our church's college and career group. My feelings for him started to change when I realized that I was feeling jealous when other girls were interested in him. During that time God opened my eyes to show me that Caleb posessed every quality that I had been praying for in a husband. Caleb is kind, thoughtful, funny, romantic, a strong Christian and leader, etc. He's an amazing man and I feel so blessed to be married to him. We began dating in February of 2003. We dated for 2 1/2 years and we were engaged in October of 2004. We had a 9 month engagement and got married on July 2, 2005.





After being married for a little over a year, we decided to start trying to get pregnant. We knew it wouldn't be easy for us to get pregnant because of my PCOS. Our time of trying to get pregnant was very hard for us. After trying for almost a year, a long year of many tears and prayers, we finally got pregnant. Unfortunately we lost that baby 1 week after finding out we were pregnant. We took some time off and then started trying again. About 6 months after the miscarriage we found out we were pregnant again in March of 2008! I was much more scared this time around, but I prayed and relied on God's word daily to get me through the pregnancy.




After a long, mostly easy prenancy (praise God) Elliana Faith was born to us on December 14, 2008. We chose the name Elliana because it means "The Lord has answered our prayer". We chose the middle name Faith for two reasons. One, Faith is the name of the church where Caleb and I met and are still members today, and two, because of our faith in God.

Elliana with her Daddy on her birthday.

Elliana with me when she was 7 days old. This was at my sister Courtney's wedding.


Our new family.

Caleb and I have both said that the time that we had to deal with my infertility, miscarriage, and pregnancy was the closest we've ever felt to God. We also grew much stronger as a couple. It was a hard time, but it brought us so close to God and made our relationships with him so much more real. We strongly believe that he is faithful and that his word is true. That is why I chose this title for my blog. We don't know what the future holds for our family, but we know we want to face the future walking closely with our Lord, and trusting him.